Day three....a bitter sweet ending!

Last night after the show I slept over at Shauna's. I left in the morning before she got up and went over to Derrick's to talk and say goodbye. Wow I had done really good the whole time of not crying but I could not help but sob. I miss him like crazy! And I didn't want to leave right then. Before I went up there I felt that this whole thing did not even phase him! I was wrong. I am so glad I went up there to clear the air. I looked into his eyes and I knew that he still loved me, I could feel it too. I could also see that he had a decision to make and it pained him because he knew what he needed to do. He asked what happens when your heart tells you one thing but you know what you need to do is another. I cried harder cause I knew what he was talking about. He told me how much he cared about me but he felt this is what he needed to do. I was reassured in his eyes and I believe him. I know we are on different paths right now and we need to take our own and not hold each other back, that does not mean they will not cross again but for now we have to do this. I told him I would be stupid to not have him as my best friend and I want to know what he is up to and hear about his struggles and want to be there when he needs someone to vent to! He he told me something very sweet back with the same reassurance. I left feeling better about the roles we will play in each others life. I made him a cd with songs that told our story! My only rule was for him to listen to the whole cd all the way through after I left. I titled the cd, Past Present Future. He made a bear that will sit on my desk and hold pencils. He carved it out of wood. I take back the saying the other day when I said I was embarrassed to have loved him so much! When I looked into his eyes I felt the feeling was mutual! People just don't come into your life like this and I know I can not let him go! I still love him..... Distance makes the heart grow fonder!